Ill-informed rantings and half-baked theories from someone who should know better.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Celebrity Sweepstakes 2007.
I've just realised that in June of this year I will have been plugging away at this here blog for THREE YEARS.
I'm not sure whether to find that inspirational or deeply, deeply distressing. A lot has happened in that time*. When I first began sharing mein half-baked notions with an audience of one (the intriguingly monikered ';O', who blessedly encouraged my first post with the thumbs-up comment: 'so far, so good! blog on!'. Would that I knew ye, ;O. Would that I knew ye), I was happily married, stylistically misguided, and swathed in the breathtakingly comforting cloak of interweb anonymity. Nowadays I'm footloose, sighing over troubadours, and well and truly 'outed'.
Whether things have improved around these parts as a result of all this emotional tumult is yet to be seen - however, we can certainly say we've shared a few 'regular' posts during our time together. Remember Ugly Children? And Wrong Crushes? The stunning simplicity of RYWHM Rate My Penis**? All good times, people. Precious memories.
And of course, for the third year running, we have the sickening monotony of RYWHM CELEBRITY SWEEPSTAKES.
Here's the thing. It costs ten dollars to enter. You may choose three celebrities. You must email me your choices. First in, best dressed - thusly, the following people are to be struck from your list:
Fidel Castro
Elizabeth Taylor
David Hicks (I know, deeply distasteful - but then again, so is this entire exercise if we're to be brutally honest with ourselves)
Margaret Thatcher
Michael J Fox (another classy one)
Barbara Bush
Jeb Bush
George H W Bush (snr)
If you want to race your choices in, stick them in the comments and I will duly pencil you up on the player's board. First celeb to die scoops the pool.
Game on, fellow morbid sickos.
306 days til the next election.
*Oh god. This entire post was just a lame excuse to take a mindless stroll down memory lane, wasn't it? I have just delivered unto you the blogging equivalent of a hastily cobbled-together 'best of' clips show. I do apologise.
** Yes, I have been sent some more 'members'. None quite as entertaining, sadly. I choose my moments to be crass.
Please don't let it be Gough Whitlam (cause we need him).
ReplyDeleteOr Les Murray (he hasn't got his Nobel prize yet).
Maybe Victoria Beckham. Or Britney Spears. Or Nicole Ritchie.
And we can allow Paul Capsis a great death scene, but he must not actually die.
That sounds more like out-loud musing than an official crack at joining the game, duk.
ReplyDelete*narrows eyes suspiciously*
can i have lindsay lohan. again.
ReplyDeletenicole richie's been taken.
i'll just stick with lindsay.
thanks.
ps i didn't put in $10 last time. tell me if you need a cheque, i know someone won.
well, if nicole's NOT taken, can i have her. as well. again.
ReplyDeletethanks
oh, and how are you fits? i know you're there, right now cause you just popped in right before my last comment. pleasant breeze around now, isn't there?
you get three picks, MG. And I'm not sure duk is a fully-engaged member of our heinous society as yet.
ReplyDeletep.s. exceptionally well, thank you for asking. And you?
ReplyDeleteBugger. Castro's gone? He's not going to make it through January.
ReplyDeleteI reckon there should be some reward for those whose three all kick the metaphorical during the year.
oh god, please don't make me organise any more than I already have to. I am but a crumbling specimen.
ReplyDeletei'll go David hicks. as strongly as i oppose his detention, i still reckon he'll top himself sooner or later.
ReplyDeletefidel castro is a communist dictator, those motherfuckers don't die easy
David Hicks is in the "Do Not Pick" list, Kiki. Do try to pay attention.
ReplyDeleteI have a question for you, Ms Fits - and it's not for Friday Q&A.
If the names are meant to be given in threes, how is it that the 'reserved' list has eight celebrities on it? I know I'm bad at maths, but surely ...
BTW, Michael J Fox? You cruel bastards.
ok then, as you say duk is not firm i go:
ReplyDelete1. lindsay lohan
2. nicole richie
3. ariel sharon
and i am very well too, thanks.
BEVIS SWORE!!
ReplyDeleteHE SAID "BASTARDS"
[jumps up and down and points]
i'll have Brooke Astor, Ruby Mohammad and Albert Hoffman, if they are allowed.
ReplyDeletefor those who don't know, Brooke Astor is a Philanthropist currently aged 105, Runy Mohammad is the mother of the nation of islam, currently aged 110 and Albert Hoffmann invented LSD, currently aged 101.
Thanks MS Fits for runing this great competition.
how time flies.
ReplyDeleteI like excuses for memory lane strolls.
mine are:
rupert murdoch
kylie minogue
and I predict that John Howard will mysteriously 'disapear' in Mornington Peninsula waters in true Liberal tradition.
*swallows bile, ignores thoughts of family disinheritance and issues invitation*
well, a girl can dream can't she?
I will take the three biggest funerals of 2007:
ReplyDeleteRichie Benault
Malcolm Fraser
Quentin Kenihan
Your cheque's in the mail, Fits...
MELBOURNEGIRL USED CAPITAL LETTERS!!
ReplyDeleteAND TWO EXCLAMATION MARKS!
[jumps up and down and points]
Hehe.
Well, after all, MG ... someone dared to wish death upon the star of my beloved Back to the Future franchise ...
:)
1. Gough Whitlam
ReplyDelete2. Harold Holt
3. David Flint
There's 8 because two people picked Elizabeth Taylor and I'm yet to inform catbrain so she may choose again, BEVIS.
ReplyDeleteDoris Day
ReplyDeleteMickey Rooney
Pavarotti
(Understudy - Jimmy Carter)
Be careful with Rooney. I had him last year. THE MAN MAY NEVER DIE.
ReplyDeleteIf God can send in the Grim Reaper please pretty please my Wish List for 2007 is Tony Blair,G.W Bush, John Horward!
ReplyDeleteAll on the same day at the same hour and Lightening would be good if that's not to much trouble?
But my 3 predictions for 2007 are:
The next person who trys to make out with Ms F before me.
Seriously Now my 3 picks are.
1)Muhammad Ali- No one should have to die so ungracfully.
2)Margaret Thatcher- Iron Arse because I hater her even more then Howard and she should never have been born in the first place in my opinion!
3)Lauren Bacall- She getting on and Bogey really misses her and is getting sick of being faithful.
PS: $10 bucks is a bit stiff I have $ 5 and I will trade sex of the winners choices for the other five.
1 Claude Levi-Strauss
ReplyDelete2 Alexander Solzhenitsyn
3 JD Salinger
I thought Mickey Rooney died a few months ago?!
ReplyDeleteHello Ms Fits Happy New Year and all that.
ReplyDelete1.Nelson Mandela
2.Alan Jones(Sydney Radio personality & professional prick)
3.Kirsty Allen(only because I picked her last year and figure the odds will kick in eventually)
Should be an interesting year.
Bud Tingwall,
ReplyDeleteOsama bin laden
and
phillip ruddock, but I'm not sure that the attorney general hasn't been having a weekend at bernie's for the last four years.
Sorry about the incorrect spelling my last pick should read
ReplyDelete3.Kirstie Alley
But you knew who I meant anyway, didn't you !!
Put me down for a twenty, Mrs.
ReplyDelete1) Dick Van Dyke
2) Dame Elizabeth Murdoch
3) Jerry Stiller
Can I have two shots at this?
Dick van Dyke, Doris Day and Mickey Rooney are still alive?
ReplyDeleteWhy are our talented young stars like Delta and Kylie dropping off for, if these geriatrics are hanging around refusing to shuffle off this moral coil?
I'm tempted by the trifecta.
Barzan Ibrahim
ReplyDeleteAwad Hamed al-Bandar
Disqualified because they've already got one foot on the trapdoor?
Offensively old people (105+) and those facing execution are off the list. It seems unfair, somehow.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your 3 year milestone. What a 3 years eh? I'm glad i found your site all that time ago.
ReplyDeleteOk Ok, having been suitably chastised, my new picks are, Betty Ford, Lady Bird Johnson and to keep with the theme Nancy Reagan. Are they Kosher ms fits
ReplyDeletethey're fine, davethescot. I HOPE ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE EMAILING ME YOUR CONFIRMATIONS.
ReplyDeleteI got me Molly Meldrum (in the bathroom at Crown with the barbituates), Keith Richards, and Australian stunt motorbike rider The Kangaroo Kid.
ReplyDeleteYes! No one picked them yet!
ReplyDelete1. Pete Dogherty
2. Russell Crowe
3. Mary-Kate Olson
the last scientician - one less boring wanker on the planet.
ReplyDeletethat bastard Coreman for the hideous shit he writes on his blog - http://evissap-novelinprogress.blogspot.com - quite atrocious - he's no Peter Carey ... or Frank Hardy, for that matter. Calls himself a satirist, pah!
ReplyDeleteSchapelle Corby
ReplyDeleteKevin Federline
Bert Newton
Bring it!
Thank you. (For answering my question.)
ReplyDeleteHi Fits.
ReplyDeletei'm going with HRH Queen Elizabeth II.
2. charles
3. camilla.
it's the year of di the ghost.
Methinks any of the following:
ReplyDeleteBritney
(sans underwear Britney)
K-Fed
(Popazao - say no more)
Tony Abbott
(for trying to make women feel guilty about they're right to choose)
Sally's death scene in Home and Away (does she or doesnt she?)
Ooh Schapelle...that's a good one.
ReplyDeleteToadie.
ReplyDeleteClint Eastwood (he's had a good run and someone should kill him for Million Dollar Baby)
ReplyDeleteHarry Potter (unlikely but I can dream)
Bruce Dawe (please no, I love your words so)
...and if I can't have Potter I'll have:
Gore Vidal (please no, you stick it to the hawks like no one else).
Actually, fuck Vidal. If not Potter:
Jonathan Safran Foer. Fuck him. Die in an extremely loud and incredibly close way.
PS – a freebie for someone: Dick Cheney. The Level 5 C-Smoker has had like 14 heart attacks and counting. Oh, and Viktor Yushchenko: dioxin is a damn slow killer. And I’d say Paul Newman but I think he’s been dead for a while, it’s just that Redford is controlling him via a series of strings and electrodes.
Being a new comer, I'm not gonna enter into this one. Also, 10 bucks is 10 bucks! I can get a 2 good soups down Victoria street for that kind of money people!
ReplyDeletebut some suggestions for those searching for a longy).
1. Peter O'Toole - he looks like a corpse last I saw him.
2. Albert Finney - might as well be dead
3. Tom Jones - The tears from the women of the world will flood the streets of many a city when this lecherous old man does his final shuffle.
shooting fish in a barrel, i'll add
ReplyDeleteStan Zemanek
Dare I say...oh I will...Bob Ellis
ReplyDeleteand Cate Blanchett and Humphrey B Bear.
TAKE THAT BACK, NIO.
ReplyDeleteOkay not Humphrey B Bear then.
ReplyDeleteHow about B1?
Talking about B1 reminds me that once upon a time B2 was gay. My flatmate went out with him. It gave Bananas in Pyjamas a whole new meaning for us, let me tell you.
ReplyDeleteLater he went out with a guy who dressed up like Carmen Miranda and we all used to wander the streets of Kings Cross singing at the top of our voices. Ah, those were the days.
Ms Fits,
ReplyDeletePerhaps it is just out-loud musing.
When I consider who might actually cark it this year, I find there are plenty of folks I would hate to see depart this mortal coil.
But when I consider those I would actually LIKE TO SEE DEAD ... John W. Howard, for example, or Tony Abbott ... my little atheistic heart feels a little evil for thinking such a thought.
A few weeks ago, a female colleague whom I am not all that fond of announced that she was pregnant. I said to my husband later that day, "I hope she has bloody twins!"
Well, she came to work last week IN TEARS BECAUSE SHE IS EXPECTING TWINS!!! spooky.
But I guess I can cope with that.
In your own words, "Die you little cunt!" "Please."
(Please don't let my children hear that!)
I haven't read the comments so let me know of any of mine are taken. Same as last year:
ReplyDeleteSmokey Dawson
Phyllis Diller
Shirley Temple
You know, I am thinking that this is not a list of "likely" death candidates, but a general list of people we would not like to see around..... Maudlin much? lol
ReplyDeleteIn that case, I would like money on Whitney Houston, and John Williamson.
Could we add a twist to this delightful morbidity? Can out list include not only who will die but also how.
ReplyDeleteEg. Russell Crow dies after being attacked by a phone wielding flight attendant screaming, "Here's your fucking curry".
Just a thought
Nio Morton,
ReplyDeleteThat's the funniest thing I've read all day!
:)
Bugger - should've checked in earlier to find out that one of my picks was already taken... I guess I ASSUMED that I would be told personally (yeah, yeah - ass, you, bum, whatever)
ReplyDelete*sniff*
BEVIS - Michael J. Fox is my roughie. I had originally considered Pete Doherty (now taken AS WELL) but, as I said to MsF, I reckon our Pete is the next Keith Richards or, as Tall Dwarfs sang, The Brain That Wouldn't Die.
My replacement selection is....Norman Mailer.
Yvonne De Carlo. How did you miss that Statler? Didn't you go to school with her back in the Union days?
ReplyDeleteive gone for kirk douglas. had him last year
ReplyDelete