Just wanted to share something I found on one of my lurky message boards today as I think it is both unbearably sick and insufferably adorable, like when Peter Andre and Jordan tongue kiss in public.
Also I find the tortured mind-game 'Would You Rather' a highly pleasing way to pass the time and an intriguing window into the sick and twisted psyches of your closest friends.
Anyhow.
'SirKenKunnington: Ladies....
an 8-way with all the members of dr. hook:
OR
a 2-way with this "bloke":
This is a competition, by the way.
freaksandgeeks: who is the second one? 8? I dont think i have enough holes
empra: bloke = conor. what are you tryin' to say?? CONOR IS ALL MAN
hollyc: you could always gouge more, freaks. I mean, it is Dr. Hook we're talking about.
freaksandgeeks: oh yes thats a good point i hadn't considered
Bittervictorian: They should make a comeback to coincide with Boonanza II
worksafehiponion: See, Conor wouldn't even be able to get an erection. Every bit of him is sad. I would imagine his penis would be 'frowning'.
blake3030: His music ain't that sad. I think he get's a bad rap. Jason Molina is a much bigger sook... and is ten times more awesome.
clem: Conor would have an inverted nipple and only one dropped testicle.
ModifiedIndie-an: See, the most promising thing about Doctor Hook is, when you think they've loved you all they can, They're gonna love you a little bit more
blake3030: and while one guys having a go, the other guys will whittle you useful ornaments out of pieces of wood.
rosiefantail: The little elf. There are just too many homely men in Dr Hook.
nicko_mcbrain: but then his emo sperm would stain you with the taint of emo rosiefantail, and you would drown in conor's emoceans forevs...
ModifiedIndie-an: As a mate of my grandfather once advised me, rosie. Never turn down the offer of sex, it might be the best you ever have. And another pearl of wisdom was to go for the ugly ones, they're always more grateful.
rosiefantail: But I could beat down the little emo... and he'd love it! "Who's your daddy, bitch?" "I DON'T KNOW! HE WAS NEVER REALLY THERE FOR ME!!!" I have nothing against the uglies, but the fact there would be eight at once is just too much ugly.
SirKenKunnington: i reckon the singer from dr. hook shaves his pubes into the shape of a love heart.
Ubu: The guy on the far right bottom row looks like he's been busting to go...and he just went.
goalattack: Imagin all these guys comin' atchya at once:
'*********************
Some things to take away from today's RYWHM experience:
1. 'I would imagine his penis would be 'frowning'.'? GENIUS.
2. The sex advice from ModifiedIndie-an's grandfather's mate is second to none. I was going to dedicate an entire blog post to that alone, but decided the Dr. Hook 'would you rather' needed inclusion also.
3. This is why I lurk on message boards. I come for the procrastination but I stay for the smart-arsery.
4. So who would you rather? An 8 way with Dr. Hook or a 2 way with Captain Emo? Some faceless friends of mine want to know.
299 days til the next election.
I hope everyone noticed that the Dr Hook album is called 'Sloppy Seconds'... I didn't notice til about my 4th look at that album cover... those heads are just that awesomely distracting. I'd have to go the 8-way with Dr Hook, at least it should be kind of fun, and how could you pass on having sex with someone with an eyepatch! Shagging an emo would be the antithesis of fun, he would cry, worry about his make-up, want to talk about it after, and probably during as well. Yuk, no thanks.
ReplyDeleteGo the sook option and plan a way to out-emo him... Plan a double suicide and back out?
ReplyDeleteI could never pass up an invitation to walk right in and sit right down.
ReplyDeleteWhere I would be sitting would be a matter for them to organise.
Anon: Good pick up on the 'Sloppy Seconds' album title. Very apt.
And pops is right.
Old people have much wisdom.
Somehow I suspect emo-boy would be a better, more senstive lover, even if he did start crying after the sex was over...
ReplyDeleteI am bothered by the tone of the borrowed post. Not by the message itself, but by the fact that the writing is so very banal, excluding grandad's and indie's advice. Isn't there some sort of software that can fix this kind of problem?
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that while my work have blocked the site you borrowed that from, myspace, youtube and ebay, I can come on here and read mono threads...
ReplyDeleteHe was a very cluey bloke, my pop's mate. Years of experience in the field. He also advised me that if you were really hung over, like feeling nauseous and stinking of alcohol, you should call in sick at work. Better to miss a day than have the boss thinking you're a total piss head.
ReplyDeleteAlong the same lines...I sent this link to a friend with the subject line 'Porn for Hi-Fi Addicts'. Further down (i.e. depending on how far you get before giving up) notice how they start posting photos of women. Very amusing.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.head-fi.org/forums/showthread.php?t=212360
You people spend far too much time on mess and noise.
ReplyDeletecarry on.
Where's the pirate faction when you need them?
ReplyDeleteSurely one of them would go Dr Hook, if only for the eye patch
captain emo would be gentle and loving and caring cos he never got that at home, parents only ever spoke to him when they told him to do his homework or clean up his room
ReplyDeletedr hook...i mean...im sure they're all great guys...but connor would write a song about me afterwards that the whole crowd would sing out loud like their hearts were breaking as one!
I think I have to side with rosiefantail. Not just for the logical equation that is 8 x ugly = too much ugly but also because you surely would be able to tell the little emo one what to do. Like "wear this bag over your head and don't say a word". Or similar.
ReplyDeletePossibilities = endless.
Thank you for the cut&paste moment Ms fits!
How can any of you have possibly listened to "Landlocked Blues" and then chosen an 8 way with Dr. Hook?
ReplyDeleteStop being mean to Bright Eyes you hating jimjums.
makes the lyrics "everybody's talking about a new way of walking" somehow very sinister now. i think an 8-way would certainly yield a new way of walking. can you imagine it, dear fits?
ReplyDeletesorry, i know i haven't answered the question.
[shudders]
How could it not be Dr. Hook? They sang Looking For Pussy. Sloppy Seconds has a song called "Get My Rocks Off". They are a horny bunch of guys.
ReplyDeleteand richard watts, Dr. Hook are VERY sensitive...;)
I can't believe there wouldn't be an option to donate the Dr Hook lovin' to Conor.
ReplyDeleteI mean, If Not You, then Sexy Eyes would Walk Right In. Sharing the Night Together with The Millionaire might, Years From Now, leave him wanting A Little Bit More. Because When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman, and Only Sixteen, all you can hope for is Better Love Next Time. And here, finally, is the chance for him to get it.
I think Gertrude the Groupie should be consulted before making any rash decisions.
ReplyDeleteOkay, it's so Conor. And not just because I love him in many ways, but also because you won't get mo' rash from him in ANY of your locations.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't think it's really fair to give him any sort of king-of-emo tag. I mean, it's not as if he's asking you to join the Black Parade. He writes sweet little ditties and wrote a song attacking Bush (better than Pink's) and when he played in Perth and decided to keep going after the prepared set had finished they played for so long that he jumped off the outdoor stage and went around the back to pee so that they could play on. A true emo would totally go to the proper john to have a cry in this situation.
I'd découpage my mangina with razorblades and fuck the emo out of Conor.
ReplyDeleteI'd receive bonus 'Crush an Emo' points for screaming out the names of the Dr Hook band members as I faked multiple orgasms (8 seems about right).
Sooks, please.
ReplyDeleteAn hour with even one member of Dr. Hook would leave you crippled and babbling for the sweet mercy of Jesus.
Ten minutes with Mr. Bright Eyes would be about as much fun as finding your parents home-made porn collection.
I'm feeling a little tired and wan today, so I'll take the 8-way with Dr Hook. They must all be in their 70's about now, so I'll just have to sit there naked reading a book while they fall asleep trying to undo their flies.
ReplyDeletei like your thinking, meva. i'll join you and let's call it 4 each.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to go bed now, and I just know I'm going to be having nightmares about penises with eye patches having sloppy seconds with little baby goth emo boys with maniacal eyes. I did like the first 'anonymous' s post though. And I'm a little disturbed by how proficient one of the opther anonymous's is witn Dr Hook Lyricy. Y're a sick woman, Ms Fits. It's bad enough thinking about Pet Andre and Jordan going the pash.
ReplyDeleteVod, stores, library pam private viedo, mpge, brother result!
ReplyDeleteKanye west janet jackson, common avant jordan.
Yearold flag dead kennedys raped beaten, death gunner palace!
Just so know is already happening at.
Checks halloween costumes marine batteries circuit board, big brested.
Wallow preston sun lost question.
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"Vod, stores, library pam private viedo, mpge, brother result!
ReplyDeleteKanye west janet jackson, common avant jordan.
Yearold flag dead kennedys raped beaten, death gunner palace!
Just so know is already happening at.
Checks halloween costumes marine batteries circuit board, big brested."
... Macromantics?
Wallow preston sun lost question.
Gender american polish background new zealand romance romantic std.
Feat zdjecie, quothey wklej kod swoja strone lub.
Slip armpits snatch shave couples seduce pie.
What's with the emo hate, dudes.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with emocore.
I'm hurt & will now either go paint my toenails, masturbate again or or myself to sleep.
Aw, shit. This is like when someone plays you back a recording of you and your pissed mates at the pub the previous night.
ReplyDeleteNonetheless, I stand by everything I said. I would still go the little emo, despite (or perhaps because of) not even knowing who he is.
Hmmm.... this is a tough one.
ReplyDeleteWhat about nailing the Emo kid while listening to Dr Hook?... I mean it's got a certain catchy rhythm to it... maybe it will cheer him up a bit. Take his mind off his little world of woe.
Also...
ReplyDeleteOne can't help but notice that the Emo Prince is all dressed in black....
Ms Fits!! You wouldn't be trying to repackage/disguise that old Web argument of Pirates versus Ninjas would you? Heaven forbid!
Look, I'm sorry people, but you're all mental. I freely claim to be ignorant about most forms of acceptably cool music, but there is no way that Conor Oberst can possibly be likened to Emo as we know it now. How could you compare the following ideas?
ReplyDeleteBright Eyes:
"When the president talks to God
Does he fake that drawl or merely nod?
Agree which convicts should be killed?
Where prisons should be built and filled?
Which voter fraud must be concealed
When the president talks to God?"
Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance
"“I wanted this short white hair so I would look like this character, who I pictured as someone who had maybe gone through chemotherapy… it helped me channel that energy into the vocal performances.”
I accept the general jauntiness of comments here, but I have to suggest that your calls of emo are highly misplaced and unfair.
Bright Eyes was the benchmark of emo two or three years ago, back when it actually stood for 'emo'tional.
ReplyDeleteNow that emo is pretty much defined as a fashion trend, I agree that he's not as emo as emo can be...