Friday q and a #79.

A q and a in fits (npi) and starts this week, as I have been strictly instructed by Gen not to 'waste too much time at the beck and call of those faceless weirdos'. Accordingly I've agreed to split the days up into three and spend good portions of time away from the computer watching whales mate (note: she is forcing me to do this) and taking long and involved strolls along windswept beaches in the manner of Charlene's 'I've Never Been To Me'. Time will pass pleasingly.


In the interim, from a mountaintop in Maleny I humbly bring to you this week's Friday questions.

Djali said...
My thoughts?

Hooray for changing your mind willy nilly! I think it's absolutely imperative that people always feel free to do this. Who makes the rules around here anyway? Those that might disagree? Tell 'em to go jump in a hole. You're good at that.


X

Ah, yes. A kindly thankyou to all who have posted their thoughts on our resident friend - I hope you'll forgive me if I refrain from including them all in this week's q and a as I'd prefer to get on with doing the online Agony Aunting than continue the somewhat bizarre debate any further. Trust that I am well and quite happy with the current status and am whiling away the days reading David Niven autobiographies and poking strangers on Facebook, which is a far more wholesome hobby than wallowing in a spiteful mire if you don't mind my saying so.

elaine said...
so when *are* the next blogger drinks? I suppose I really oughtn't ask since I got all depresso-melodramatic and deleted my blog and am not really bloggining anymore. Technically I do still have a blog thought, so I'll damn well gatecrash, fuckos whether you like it or not.

Gracious, such language for one so demure.


It's been so long since the last official blogger drinks (from memory they had some special, nerd-pun name which absolutely escapes me now) that half the folk who attended have since thrown in the self-absorbed towel* and turned their attention towards healthier hobbies. I'm more than happy to dust the idea off again if others are interested, though they are hell to organise and the political lines are pretty well drawn from the get-go meaning that the left-wing bloggers sit on one side of the room and glower at the conservatives who linger nervously at the bar ordering caipiroskas. It's like West Side Story, but with less styling dance moves.





*one can only imagine the gummy texture of such an item.

Mirri said...
Hey there!

I was wondering if you'd mind sharing a vegetarian recipe?
I know there have been some mentioned before, but the prospect of digging them up from the archives, well. Laziness got the best of me, surprisingly.

It's just that all the food I ever do, always has some meat-aspect to it, and I have noticed that vegetarians eat happily on as well.
So what can I make without the dish seeming like it's missing a part of something that used to breathe?

Thank you!

I used to go to town making a very basic pumpkin pasta which I stole from a Gabriel Gate 'cooking for single men*' book. From memory it involves cooking up some pumpkin, roasting a handful of pine nuts, chopping up some parsley, combining all three and stirring it through bow-tie pasta. I liked it very much because a) I love pumpkin, and b) bow-tie pasta never fails to amuse me. It's the clown pasta to orecchiette's anatomy lesson. Also it fills up those wee anaemic vegetable folk with belly-warmth and carbohydrates which gives them energy to stay up all night kissing you.




*please note this is less 'recipes to ensnare the heart of a swinging bachelor' and more 'easy shit to throw in a bowl if you are culinarily disinclined'.

The Slapper Princess said...

My question is: If all I wanted to do was have a go at some mentally vacant 'person' and offer my thoughts towards your particular conundrum, would you let the fact that I don't have a question pass? Feel free to delete or ignore at will, sorry for the above verbosity, am merely just 'over it' and fear for my ocular muscles at all the eye rollings I've had to partake in whenever he pipes up.

I often let the fact that people drop by here just to share their thoughts without having a specific query pass as I am a kind and gentle lover blog overlord. Admire me.

The plot said...
Misfits,
I am having issues with sydney nightlife atm. Being a fulltime student (woe is me, and all that crap), most of my dreamtime is taken up with looking forward to of times to be had once study/internships etc are over. E.g. exotic travelling, meeting lions, etc. What to do whilst bored and frustrated, when most of sydney is being overrun by teenagers in fluro? Thanks

There's plenty of live music to seek out in Sydlee, The plot. Most upstanding folk I know linger at the Clare on a Friday night before retiring to Purple Sneakers (though I've been told this sadly no longer houses guest dj's from local bands, is this true?) to pick up young ladies of ill-repute. I very much like the down-home skankiness of the Judgement Bar as I have no taste and like to stay up late drinking with poorly-mannered bloggerati, though I appreciate if you are a fan of the finer things and would prefer to stay the fuck away from such a seedy den.

Any city nightlife can be enlivened by a hand-holding companion who sends your hormones into self-immolation mode, so I suggest cultivating a sturdy crush in your lust-garden and entertaining yourself with nocturnal picnics and adventures in car parks.


Can Sydney folk elaborate?

Mick Jagger said...
Why are we fighting?

People...people...brothers and sisters....etc.


I'm not fighting, anyways. I'm listening to dolphin sounds and painting my chakras. It'd take a lot to dampen my mood at the moment.


*performs interpretive dance*

Anonymous said...
My question:

Who looks after Bob Ellis when you go away?

My very handsome friend Gooshy is looking after both dog and apartment at the moment. It works out well for him as he has constant access nudie women on Skype and likes to stroll around the neighbourhood letting people admire both human and hound. If you see him be sure to give him a pat; he is a very well-behaved young man and deserves only nice things.

bam-ba-lam said...
Hi Ms Fits,

If I may be so bold as to contribute on the back of the advice you gave bianca – I tried to do it at her blog, but permissions wouldn’t allow - I had to put down my eldery kitty earlier this year and I'm well aware of the patience you have to have for the last year or so of their life.

It gets increasingly frustrating (accidents from both ends all over bedding and white carpets, and the litter tray was surrounded by newspaper, cos at that age I believe nearby is good enough) and your beloved gets needy and fussy (“I don’t like that food any more, though it’s one of the few things I’ve eaten for years now”), but you still have wonderful times in between the bouts of angst. Clippers do become necessary (in my case, for her claws – they didn’t retract any more and she got caught on things), as does carpet cleaner and a large supply of sponges/wipes, you get to know your local launderette rather well and if you go a month without visiting the vet, then that’s a bonus.

I often got pretty pissed off with her, and felt awfully guilty about thoughts of a happy future without her and the twice daily clean-ups – YOU’RE NOT ALONE THERE. But when the time comes for that last trip to the vet, you’ll know that it’s right. Anger and guilt wont even be a factor in the decision, it’ll be made from the heart and knowing that your cat’s had enough time here, thanks. It may sound silly, but my cat told me when she was ready to go – I’m sure your boy will too. In the mean time, enjoy the good and meditate/grit your teeth through the messy. Hope the shared understanding helps.

Oh, and my question: could you please tell me the name of that Dirty Three track that was selected as a rooting song on July 10’s BOTB please? Ta.

That's lovely and sage advice, re: pet troubles. I'm feeling most Katrina Warren but with less shiny hair.


Lawrence Mooney was the celebrity rooter on July 10th (and a most enjoyable show it was, too). His Dirty Three track was - I'm pretty sure - I Remember a Time When Once You Used to Love Me. The original Greek version off the Praise soundtrack is a force to be reckoned with also.



And you've reached out and touched somebody's hand (virtual):

bianca said...
Thank you, Bam-ba-lam, the shared understanding certainly does help. *lights candle for recently departed daughter of bam*

*hums We Are The World*

Andy Pants said...
Hey,

Purely hypothetical question....

If you were madly madly in love with a much older minor celebrity and televison screenwriter, whom you've never met. Would revealing that to them be considered stalkerish behaviour?

Also what should I do about it?

How much older are you talking, Andy? Are there legal boundaries in place to prevent such intergenerational hook-ups?


*consults lawyer*


When I was fifteen I was madly in love with Rob Sitch from the D-Generation, who was not only at least seventeen years older than me but also happily attached to Jane Kennedy. From memory I undertook the in no way stalkerish or weird task of writing him an anonymous love letter each week (I was a very highly strung teenager) and then submitting some sketches to The Late Show. He very kindly took me under his wing and gave me a script coaching session in the ABC make-up room post-taping one night, during which I stared dumbly at him and made an ass of myself as is often the way of fifteen-year-old seductresses in velvet pants. Obviously this technique didn't work for me (*shakes fist at sky*) but I wouldn't discount it for winning the heart of the object of your affections. You never know, she might be in the market for a fresh-faced paramour and the two of you can stroll arm-in-arm down life's sweet esplanade stopping only to look at the hand-made craft stalls.



p.s. If you are under sixteen years of age I retract most everything from this answer thanking you kindly federal sex police of the interwebs.

Cordelia. said...

MY question:

RE the lack of interest in sex comment. I am not exaggerating when i say i think i have a really strikingly amazing relationship with my girlfriend. After three years, we cannot spend enough time together, and love to do so. She's my soul mate, my everything. Unfortunately, our sex drives do not match. I would like to have sex three/four/eight times a week, she would like it once. We talk about it, she feels insanely guilty, we both cry, it continues.

I want to spend forever with her. Is matching sex drives vital to achieve this?

A friend of mine once noted that it's very rare for two people to have Tetris-clicking sex drives and spend the rest of their lives bathing in an orgiastic self-congratulatory passionate embrace - 'Usually one person wants it more and hates themselves for being needy while the other wants it less and hates themselves for being a cold fish' was his take on matters of the bedroom, which I agree is somewhat of a grim view and not to be swallowed whole. Obviously once the initial routine of locking yourselves in the bedroom for days at a stretch has softened to make way for life obligations like washing and eating, sexualising encounters even out to less all-encompassing week-long romps and fall somewhat by the wayside. Considering the way you profess to feel about your love (bless you and your heart) I think yes, you'll be quite able to spend forever having a little less inserting and a little more masturbatoring and if boning two point five times a week rather than six point three means you get to linger every day with a human being who turns your kidneys upside down every time they look in your direction, then just you get yourself an extensive porno collection and start rubbing, kid.

I'm not Craig said...
Bigg Matt Stud said
And it's kind of ironic that one of the comments which inspired me to write this one was by Gigglewick, who appears to be INC's partner. Spooky.

Well, that must have come as quite a shock to Gigglewick's husband.

And to Gigglewick.

I'm mildly surprised too.

Mrs INC might have had a few words to say about it too, no?



Or Gigglewick herself...

gigglewick said...

I'm mildly surprised too.

Indeed I am surprised to learn that I am CRAZED INTERNET POLYGAMIST IN STYLE OF 'BIG LOVE'.

In fact an even stranger coincidence is that Mr Fix (actual husband) is strikingly similar in appearance to Allan Catlin, or was, circa 1993.

If perchance, my (actual) husband and I were invited to the impending 2007 Sharp Reunion Tour blogger party we could stand Mr Catlin and Mr Fix next to each other to make a definitive judgment once and for all. However I suspect neither of them would appreciate that very much.

Oh, and could you invite INC/Honeybear too - I've never met them either.

kthanxbye

Gigglewick

This Sharp Reunion Tour Blogger Cocktail Party Polygamy Mormon Funtimes thing is getting out of hand. And poor old BMS is feeling quite pink in the cheeks about all this...

Big Matt Stud said...

Well, colour me mortified. I saw this post and failed to notice that it was actually written by INC and not, in fact, by Gigglewick.

Apologies to the INC and Gigglewick families.

By the way, +1 for me on flicking mikeed, I'm sick to death of the fucker, even though I do just skip past anything he writes. I was previously in the ignore him and he'll go away camp, but he doesn't really show any signs of doing so.

Also, my word verification is mwcwmwdb - the embarassed mumble of a blog commenter who has just publicly made a dick of himself.

Please don't be embarrassed, young man. We're all friends here. Even the cockspanks get a social airing every now and then.

klyntone said...
Hello again wordsmith Fits

No, no I’m not particularly serious, sometimes I speak like that in an attempt to highlight th absurdity of common sayings.
Does bragging about being on “my” face have some meaning I am unaware of?

Sorry, I guess there is no intelligent way to say I’ve been wasted for half my life, once th novelty of th emerging clarity wears off I will probably refrain from mentioning it at all.

I do care and am incredibly thin skinned yet have helped shaped th nation by climbing trees that are marked to be culled keeping them safe until th more politically minded make th changes necessary to save th trees without needing a 24 hour guard.
Do you have a favourite tree, either an individual or a particular species?

Th glassy-eyed hardly ever forgetful robot is deprogramming but is still a bit, shall we say suspicious.

I see so much opposition towards John W Howard and there really are very few who don’t vote. Everyone I speak to says they don’t vote for him due to various lies and betrayals, there must of course be some kind of conspiracy, other wise how else can he continue to be re-elected.
Do you have any outlandish explanations of th exact nature of these conspiracies?

Good luck with th mikeed1313 drama, he has not posted anything I have enjoyed reading.

All th best,
K

Okay, let's sift our way through these...


a) Does bragging about being on “my” face have some meaning I am unaware of?

I wouldn't say so, and I think you have every right to be pleased with yourself. Gaining some semblance of clarity after time off in the mental wilderness is something to be hugely thrilled by. Tell the world. SAY IT LOUD.


b) Do you have a favourite tree, either an individual or a particular species?

My favourite tree used to be the gargantuan beast I used to hide notes in that resided in my parents' front yard, although it sadly lost its will to live some years ago and was removed in a sobering 'mighty oak we hardly knew ye' ceremony I'm yet to fully recover from. I don't think I have a favourite species of tree, though I'm quite partial to a willow as it hides myriad secret trysts.



c) Do you have any outlandish explanations of th exact nature of these conspiracies?


No outlandish explanations I'm afraid - only the sad and slightly sorry fact that those of us on the left passionate about politics can't get their heads around the thought that others may see JWH as a rather grand fellow and One To Be Admired. We are foolish and outraged beasts, the lot of us.

niknik said...
hey ms fits

sorry to bother you again but i need some advice. my birthday is coming up and i'd like to have a house party to celebrate, but please, i need some tips. what makes a great house party? i've had a few in my time, but i really want this one to be spectacular.

what shall i do about music? do i get a DJ? (suggestions) or leave my itunes on shuffle? or should i beg some muso friends to set themselves up in my loungeroom? that could be cool, not sure about how my neighbours would feel about this though..

hmm..yes. any tips would be greatly appreciated.

ta,
niknik.

Oh, you should most certainly get a dj. Get several - ask your high-quality tune-loving friends (the ones who make the best mix tapes; you know who they are) to do an hour-long set each. People get completely excited about this, and besides which there's a great sense of competition and rivalry to win your affections so your beloveds will go all out when planning their 'sets' (<--- this is a professional dj term, use it freely to impress romantic interests). Live music would be sweet, but yes - you'd never be able to leave the house again without Mr. Timbs from number 45 trying to come at you with an air rifle, so best just leave it to the disc jockeys for now.


Other ingredients to make a great house party-


1. Random tonguekissing in the hallway (note: best when simply wandering down corridor and grabbed by the shoulders for passionate tete a tete)


2. Champagne fountain (glasses will break)


3. Naked Twister (the ultimate ice-breaker)


4. Lamb on a spit (provides talking point, freaks out vegetarians and brings them closer together)


5. Random disposable cameras for people to use whilst bonding


6. At least one (1) idiot streaker.



Can I come? I love house parties.

jctrue said...
dear ms fits

wow for your spirituality seekings. goddess is dancing stickers and voilence to ones eye was not what i was expecting but meh! :)

your writings appear to be more entertaining of late - not so serious - and so much more novel.

what is your most favourite film in each category:

1. Action
2. Australian
3. Mockumentry
4. Romance
5. International

Thanks for being wonderful

jc
x

ps i think you are ambitious - just talented about denying it ....

Hello again, jc. My favourite films in the categories you have enquired about are:


1. War of the Worlds.

2. Don's Party.

3. American Movie.

4. Harold and Maude.

5. The Triplets of Belleville.

Big Matt Stud said...

You realise I'm now busting to know which band you were in, BMS? Go on, can we start a new game? I love that lame Mormon-let's-all-sit-together-and-clap-hands stuff.

Well, I thought that all of the good ones got used up in the last round, but if anybody wants to start it up again, knock yourselves out. I'm also more than happy just to tell you if no-one wants to play.

Right, I'll start. Was it Indecent Obsession? Your Wedding Night? Midget? Tweezer? Shakespeare's Sister?



********


Here endeth today's installation. I'll return tomorrow for round two. Can you believe that in the time it's taken you to read this I've travelled from Maleny to Rainbow Beach? I'm quite fucking mysterious and Monkey Magic like that.


*disappears in puff of smoke*


*************



SATURDAY Q AND A WEEKEND LIFTOUT EDITION

Rustique said...

With regard to the hills-hoist-dead-Iraqi-children-thing this site - which if it is not run by Getup is at least promoted by them - is a good 'un. I like "Who do you trust" by G. Raju and M. Pooley the best out of the ones I've viewed.

34 comments already, poor dear.

I rather like the Rudd Vs Howard/Mac Vs PC one myself. JWH has proven it himself: the internets are the way of the elective future. If he fails to produce a bitching Coalition Massive ('The Federal Government - We Don't Fuck Abow') before November I shall be sorely disappointed.

karen said...
Ms Fits,

Does this "and all of a sudden Byron Bay seems a giddy prospect" per-any-chance mean you'll be at Splendour?

While always keen for music in a field, I'm a little disgruntled with the line up. I had high hopes for Arcade Fire and other rumour mongers were toying with my feelings by banding about words like Bowie and Bjork.

If you are going, who are you most looking forward to seeing/stealing drinks from their rider?

xo

Sadly, no - I'll be in Byron for the boffin-collective writers festival which misses out on the rocking and rolling by about a week. If I had been lucky enough to wrangle a ticket from some upstanding member of the musical community I'd probably be most excited about seeing the Dirty Three given their performance at Meredith 2004 during a lightning storm is so firmly etched on my consciousness I am forever in their spiritual debt.


Be sure to find some fingers to squeeze when they're playing lest your heart be stretched to breaking point, miss.

Blogless said...
Fitz. And anyone else with Dear Ruth Leanings.

Agony Aunt Question for you.

My Beloved, Kind, Caring Boyfriend of five years is the man of my dreams I am sure. Or I was at least once Sure.

He and I have been shacked up together for much of this five years, in domestic happiness, just him and me, no kids.

The thing is, he doesn't like sex. He says he likes sex, and gives me the 'I'm just tired and busy' exception. I just want to get laid.

We're talking 6 months at a time here.

I have given up the Lingere, the sex toy offerings, all initiations, and talking about it.

What is my next step? Leave him and live the life of the odd spinster, or stay with him and wait for all urges to leave me and my vajayjay to just shrivel up and eventually seal?

Does this happen really? Do boys get like this? Is he gay? Love my best friend? Have father Issues?

HELP

Verification: dphsucr.

SUCR!!

'Vajayjay'? That's a new one.



Boy, folk sure have some bedrooming issues don't they? Poor all of us, with our mixed signals and nights off the flesh train and general needing to be fondled. WHEN WILL IT STOP.


Anyhow. Given the beauteous basis of your partnership I think your one-time loverman is due to step up to the negotiating table and nut this conundrum out with you once and for all. You've obviously attempted to woo and rouse him into action, but if he's still refusing to capitulate then it's time to make it clear how important this is to you. Is he willing to lose you simply due to an underactive penis-drive? If there are issues of the best-friend-loving/homosexualising kind then they're best out in the open and thrashed out in order for you both to feel sated and on the 'same page' etc. I wouldn't wish for you to walk without having tried everything, but it certainly sounds time for drastic conversational action. Best of luck to you both.

alf said...
I'm reading a good book called Measuring The World. Have you read it?

Thoughts.

Two.

Guidelines from Flickr:

'Don’t be creepy.
You know the guy. Don't be that guy.'

&

"Habet! Hoc habet!"

Vouchsafe with thine aplomb and grace it shall be done.

Yours in panache.

PS I am also fond of verve and pronounce you 51 per cent a maven.

1. I have not read it. Is it to be added to the teetering pile?


2. I don't pretend to understand in any way whatsoever, but I like very much.


3. Thanking you, kindly sir.


*curtseys*

Matthew said...
A Bob Ellis update, courtesy of "The Independent Weekly"

On the campaign trail
Writer, film maker and ALP historian Bob Ellis has made a documentary about the 2006 state election campaign that promises some fascinating insights into the machinations of the Rann Labor government, it was revealed today. The laconic Ellis, a close, but critical, friend of the Premier, followed Rann around on the hustings in the lead-up to Rann's landslide win. He told ABC radio today the film featured footage of Deputy Premier Kevin Foley using some colourful expletives and Rann singing the White Cliffs of Dover.

I know, I'm excited. Who else is coming to the MIFF screening? We could dress up as Sir Bob and arrive en masse in egg-encrusted suits.

Anonymous said...
Do you think Cavallero is the male version of Hooters?

Why, yes. Yes, I do.


I wish Kent wore orange hotpants more often, just quietly.

Ben said...
I actually think a television series about the search for the 7 Wonders of Melbourne would be very good, with potential for both loveliness and whimsy. I would like to host it. THIS WAS MY IDEA! I have been informed that to get ahead at the ABC I shall have to perform lewd acts upon a person called "Courtney Whatsherface", so I shall get right on that.

I have a vague idea I read somewhere that Shaun Micallef doesn't drink. I might be wrong. I could be thinking of Kenny Everett. He doesn't drink, because he is dead.

1. How important is sex, really?

2. Would I be happier if I believed in god?

3. Is the dumbing down of politics unavoidable? Is major success genuinely impossible for a politician who chooses not to appeal to baser instincts, who does not talk purely in sound grabs and is willing to build upon a foundation of logic and reason? Would the populace really be repelled by a leader who, for instance, was willing to say, "yes, action is needed on the problems in indigenous communities, and we shall take action, but to strip innocent people of the rights enjoyed by their fellow citizens based purely on their colour, or their location, is antithetical to the kind of society we aspire to, and we will not do it"? Or one who said, for example, "As understandably unnerved as we all are when terrorism rears its head, we will not make judgments that could destroy people's lives until the evidence is in and the rule of law has run its course, and as a government we will not attempt to find ways to circumvent the independent judiciary upon which our very system of government is founded"?

Or, gods forbid, a leader who simply said, "I will decide each and every issue of import that comes my way on the basis of calm and rational assessment of the facts and of all the relevant evidence, and will not allow appeals to emotion, prejudice or superstition affect my decisions, because they are just too important to be thus determined"?

Just tell me, my best beloved, are the people so far gone they could not warm to such a person?

4. I aroused controversy amongst my immediate family with my callous assertion that the world is now a better place, albeit only marginally, because Stan Zemanek is dead. Am I a horrible person?

Hello, old friend.


1. Reasonably so, I'd wager. There's a perfect Mirka Mora quote I tore out and stuck to my fridge which reads roughly: 'As long as you live, you must never lose your sexuality. And you must always love, even when things are terribly sad.'


Sex is connective, emotional and occasionally awe-inspiring. It's not the be-all of existence, but it's very important to revere and respect.


2. Not necessarily. It may pass the time, but the time would pass in any case if that wag Beckett is to be believed.


3. Yes, the people really are 'that' far gone - as long as they are fed bite-sized hygienic pieces of information in a language that doesn't stretch their intellect then they're happy to number boxes accordingly on the big day and go about their business unencumbered. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you.


4. No. I'm not much of a fan of S. Zemanek in life or death either. Besides which, I'm slightly suspicious of subscribing to the belief that someone can bully their way through an existence lashing out at minority groups with a right-wing bluster which could almost be considered cartoonish if it wasn't so abhorrent only to then be revered as a stand-up fellow who was simply 'having the world on' with a jocular and fictional persona.


I possibly wouldn't go the way of Mike Carlton and speak ill of the dead on the day of the funeral but I ain't mourning the man's loss, put it that way.

Anonymous said...
When I was an idiotic fuckstruck 19 year old I foolishly got married to the guy I thought was the love of my life. Nine months later we had the most ridiculously hateful break-up. After our stupid divorce where we seriously battled it out over things like a Disposable Heroes of Hipoprisy cd - we pretty much did all we could to never see each other again.
It has been over 10 years since we have had any form of contact.

Last week I was crossing the street and this guy just caught my eye. It was the once-dreaded ex. But something strange happened, we recognised each other and just had this gorgeous hug. We swapped numbers and last Friday caught up for drinks. And it was brilliant. We had one of those electric evenings where I had to hold myself back - I think I have fallen in love with him again. We have not stopped texting, calling, emailing since. But there is a slight problem. I have been seeing my boyfriend for nearly a year and my ex is living with his long-term girlfriend.

Am I a stupid romantic fool or could he possibly be the love of my life?

Nothing has happened but I want it to - badly. Should I call it off with my boyfriend - he's a fantastic guy but he doesn't set my world on fire like the ex.

We're due to meet again this Friday. Should I go? Am I asking for trouble?

HELP!

Oh, dear god. WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, ANON DIVORCEE?


Obviously a part of me wants to grab you by the shoulders and shake you and insist that you accompany me to a bar where we can drink whisky and dissect each and every moment of your painful split including the part where your ex held up an egg cup and shouted I THINK WE BOTH KNOW WHOSE THIS IS FUCKFACE though to be honest I'm not sure it would help given your current state of mind. You've clearly started to trip-tumble your way back into the tumultuous passionate world you once inhabited with Husband and have been mentally wresting yourself away from Mr. Fantastic at a rate of knots. I don't judge you for it - I am the worst at running into exes and feeling every one of those tiny dynamite sticks embedded in my pants re-igniting - but really, ten years off-course and back into each other's arms is an intense prospect.


Take it slowly, and don't turn the universe on its axis just yet - the two of you drank each other dry for a reason. By all means meet up again and see what the devil is driving you to distraction, but leaping in to the fire feet first is only going to result in an inferno. Tread carefully, and for god's sake UPDATE US.

Boo said...
Dear Ms Fits,

your article on the Scud's reality show made me lose control of my pelvic floor.

Is there any chance you could review the show 'Kick' screened on SBS? I think you could wring some humour out of it...

Don't know if you take requests, but it's worth a shot..!

Possibly not a grand idea, since I helped them out with some storylining on the second series. It was only four days work, but the idea of then turning around and sticking the boot in is perhaps a little on the foolish side, even for an impetuous idiot like me.


Keep the suggestions coming though; I am shit at finding things to write about each week.

Anonymous said...
I'm falling in love with a friend who has a girlfriend. He has told another friend "The only time i question my love for my girlfriend is when x (moi) is around", so I'm not delusional (completely). We've been flirting a bit of late, you know, nothing clearly definable as above and beyond fun flirtation but... I am falling for the dude. Should I politely bring "my feelings" (I did that annoying hand gesture to indicate what an annoying turn of phrase that is) up while drunk sometime or play my cards close to my chest and hope the girlfriend has an unfortunate altercation with the cheap glue on their wedding invitation envelopes? Painlessly, of course, as I wish her no harm (beyond the immediate sacrifice her current gentleman friend).

Yours sincerely,

Cold in Outer Melbourne.

Oy, that's tough.


I'd like to say that you should bow respectfully to the Lady and allow her a private and peaceful relationship free of man-stealing harpies like yourself, but the truth of the matter is I usually can't sleep with the burden of sodden feeling weighing me down and understand why you may need to spill your secrets. Really, it should be up to this rather caddish gent to state his intentions and stop spreading the word around town that he's keen to stick his tongue in your ear, but if you truly feel you can't go on any longer without at least knowing his position then go right ahead and put your cards on the table. Just be prepared for a sad smile and a long speech about how he thinks you're great but can't possibly leave Louisa as it would break her heart and he hopes this won't make things awkward for you in future etc, as sometimes these sidestep flirtations are just that - pressure-valve releases from commitment and never intended to be seen through.


On the other hand, you're falling. He might be too. Stranger things have happened.




********************



We're clear. Thanking you for your patience on this holidaying edition of q and a.



Next week will be query-free as I'll be taking in the Northern beaches - hopefully hand-in-hand with a very droll and handsome fellow who will read me excerpts from Robert Hughes novels and kiss me on the neck when I least expect it.


Dare to dream, people.


Leave your questions for the Friday following in the comments below and I'll get to them when I'm good and able.






117 days til the next election.