Thursday, July 26, 2007

When life experience turns bad.





Conversation you utterly don't wish to have when standing next to someone very handsome who is quietly taking in every word:



Girl: Excuse me for a second, sorry to interrupt...


Me: Sure, no problem.


Girl: I was just wondering....did you audition for Big Brother a few years ago?


Me: ....


Girl: You did! I was in your group! Oh god, that's so funny.


Me: Yeah, I kind of...made friends of mine go along as a joke and they forced me to audition too.


Girl: And we had to jump around and act like pigs. So humiliating. Pigs, ahahaha!


Me: (stealing glimpse at devilishly attractive bystander) Er - yes. I wasn't seriously wanting to make it, though. I mean...you know. It's Big Brother.


Girl: I got knocked out after the second round. Did you get far?


Me: About eight rounds.


Girl: Eight rounds!


Me: Then I pulled out.


Girl: Oh my god! You were practically a housemate!


Me: Not really.


Girl: Eight rounds, that's amazing. They must have made you done some totally embarrassing shit. How awful!


Me: (seeking somewhere to hide) Yeah, well - it's all life experience I guess.


Girl: Totally!



Beat.



Girl: Hey, and weren't you on the Henderson Kids?


Me: Waiter, more wine please.



******************



It's a wonder I ever get kissed, really.










111 days til the next election.

21 comments:

  1. At least she stopped before bringing up your knit-wear model career.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Speaking of Henderson Kids... There was a DVD (featuring your good self on the cover) at JB the other day - in the chuck-out bin. Your work is not truly appreciated.

    PS Word Verification OZKDVBEO - smelly Australian child

    ReplyDelete
  3. In the bargain bin where I belong, Cath. AT LAST.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6:16 PM

    It's funny that people never seem to notice that certain tone of voice & widening of the eyes which is meant to say "for the love of God/please shut up". Then again, maybe they do; she didn't happen to subsequently leave with Mr Handsome did she? That would be quite the cunning ploy ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good to know that there's one lump of electronic shit that doesn't have your name all over it, Fitsomaticus! Heh heh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm beginning to emerge from my winter fugue, thank Christ.

    Tomorrow, I'm off to the Classic in Elsternwick to see The Simpsons movie. I love the Classic.

    In the evening, I'm off to check out an opening at a gallery in Collingwood that I've never heard of before. It's at 25 Easey St.

    I've been thinking about animated cartoons.

    I haven't done one since 2000 and that was with Flash 1.0 0n a pentiumII PC, so it was like trying to ride a '65 Vespa to Sydney.

    I'm getting the urge to do a little five minute number and thought that Fit's would be a good subject.

    Lets have a little contest. Who can give me the best story line?

    Winner gets put up on youtube.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous12:08 AM

    Id Kiss you without a moments hesitation(id possibly introduce myself first to avoid arrest).
    If i had any doubts about your overall coolness or hotness, they were erased when a: I found out about your upcoming hair modeling contract, and b:THAT YOU WERE IN THE FUCKING HENDERSON FUCKING KIDS...You are THE one..I am sure of that now..
    Alas the only song i can hear right now is "girls like that"...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've never seen The Henderson Kids -- but think it's fantastic you were "practically a housemate". It's a good job you got out when you did, y'know, otherwise you might have been embarrassed sometime later.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8:48 AM

    Ms Fits,
    Is it true you posted the above entry purely to show off?

    Oooh, Ms Fits:
    - is so awesome she got to round eight on BB!
    - still does get kissed!
    - was on TV!

    Wow, Ms Fits. You're so awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Back off Simbo, she's mine. This blog isn't big enough for two scary stalker types.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous11:55 AM

    make it three - you forgot mikeed

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous11:56 AM

    Arent you a charmer mikey boy

    You must be the fuck-knuckle everyone wants booted.

    Cant see why

    as you can imagine..being in several bands that are very well known,singing like a bird and having the body of a footballer, i have really struggled to pick up and "have my schlong ridden like phar lap"
    but thanks for the tip.

    Such an angry response can only mean you are in pain or that i pose some threat to you..do you need a hug? Are you jealous?

    There may have been a SMALL amount of tongue in cheek in my previous post.some may have noted that-other unfortunates may not.

    By the way..
    just say i was 13 years old
    does that make me too old for you mikey boy?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous12:03 PM

    Simbo you are right!
    I am a fuck-knuckle.
    IM SORRY.
    and im sorry to anyone else ive abused
    Ive seen the light.
    I wont say useless shite anymore or fill up this space with crap.
    IM SORRY IM SORRY...
    And simbo...
    you say you are 13 years old..
    thats ok with me.
    xxxxx
    p.s
    IM SORRY

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous1:07 PM

    Are you not proud of something you can't change?
    Being a handsome stranger, I kiss girls that either bullshit to groupies for my benefit,or own up, or are proud of there past pursuits

    Captain

    Word verification meaning

    ietueyn-to eat after watching leyton hewitt play

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous7:33 PM

    Hmm... 7.30pm Friday and no Q&A as yet.

    I have a question nevertheless.

    Many of us worry about the media's objectification of women and the hypersexualisation of young girls in particular. Vis a vis the Paris Hilton episode of South Park. "Make haste Paris..." ROTFL!

    It's obviously also regrettable that men with small penises are often ridiculed, derided and develop complexes.

    But when it comes to sexual performance and consideration for one's partner, why is it that women seem to escape scrutiny, Fits?

    I am a good ten years older than you Fits and have put up some serious mileage. In my moderately extensive experience, Aussie women are often dead roots when compared to lovely ladies from other cultures and climes.

    What gives sistas?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous12:08 AM

    I was on Henderson Kids as a Brown Street gang member. Maybe you should all think about that.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous12:11 AM

    The above comment is a lie. Maybe I should think about that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous12:12 AM

    I have thought about that and have come to the conclusion that I always wished I was in the Brown Street gang and had denim like Alex Pappas.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous12:16 AM

    Can you somehow tie my Brown Street Redline BMX gang fantasy in with the Friday Q&A. And I don't mean sexual fantasy.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous2:02 PM

    I hate to agree with you anonymous but it's true woman get off pretty easy when it comes to their complete clue-lessness in the bedroom.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous11:36 PM

    I would kiss anyone who got eight rounds in. I don't care what my wife thinks.

    I was eliminated in the first round. Unless the queue counts as a round. I think the attraction of being on Big Brother is that you do not run the risk of watching Big Brother while you're inside.

    Actually...I can't believe there ARE eight fucking rounds. How many variations of pig impressions are there?

    ReplyDelete

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