Ill-informed rantings and half-baked theories from someone who should know better.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Dance Magic Dance.
I have been spending some quality time in Brunswick of late and recently noticed three pieces of graffiti I was rather hoping you or someone dear to you might be able to explain to me.
Here is the first one. It is written on a traffic sign in black texta.
'JENNIFER CONNOLLY IS A WHORE'
The word WHORE is written in larger letters than the rest of the sentence, as though the person making the statement has grown suddenly and startlingly enraged by the thought of Jennifer Connolly and wants the world to know that not only is she a whore but a really, really massive one at that so BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH or whatever it is that runs through the mind of insane people when they're on a crack bender.
The second piece of graffiti is a little further down the road and written on a piece of concrete:
'JENNIFER CONNOLLY IS A MOVIE STAR WHORE'
You can see a recurring theme here, can you not? Whether Jennifer Connolly is indeed possessing of whoreish qualities is to me beside the point. Why the devil has her name been besmirched so randomly around Sydney road? What on earth has she done to deserve such allegations? Why not Jennifer Aniston, or Jennifer Beals? Was it her work with David Bowie in Labyrinth?
Mystifying.
Here is the third, from yet another side street:
'JENNIFER CONNOLLY - CELEBRITY WHORE OF MORELAND'
This one is my favourite. Not Brunswick, not Fitzroy. The entire shire of Moreland. THAT WANTON ACTRESS IS SERVICING A VARIETY OF NEIGHBOURHOODS.
These pieces of graffiti have provoked long and involved discussions bewteen me and mine. Does Jennifer Connolly have a jilted and brooding ex-lover residing in the back streets of Brunswick? How does one attain the title 'Celebrity Whore Of Moreland' given today's competitive market? Are there more of these hidden gems around the traps and if so should I start conducting some kind of walking tour?
Answers below please.
91 days til the next election.
Perhaps it's a different Jennifer C. A non-famous one.
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps the perpetrator really took offence at the way Jennifer's character looked at the little stinky goblin in 'Labyrinth'. If, indeed, that is how you spell the word 'labyrinth'.
Question 33.
ReplyDeleteAssuming the following to be true:
Jennifer Connelly is the celebrity whore of Moreland, and;
Jennifer Connelly solved the Labyrinth, then;
all prostitutes in Moonee Ponds can direct you to the Junction Hotel.
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) David Bowie
(d) All of the above
Funny, I saw the title and immediately thought of Labyrinth, glad I was right on that one.
ReplyDeleteThat said, as a very young lad at the time I had a huge crush on JC, and kept that "type" growing up.
Which just leaves me with one obvious question: what's the going rate?
Could have something to do with her last scenes in Requiem for a Dream. Maybe they just watched it while getting high.
ReplyDeleteSurely it must be a disgruntled Rocketeer fan.
ReplyDeleteI agree with B. I can't look at Jennifer Connolly without thinking of the end of Requiem For A Dream or the dirty old man saying "Ass to ass".
ReplyDeleteCareer opportunities was her best film. The janitor roller skates around target on his lonesome, only to freeze when he spots Jen on the rocking horse. I wish I was that horse.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the graffiti has to do with her maid Marion role in requiem for a dream. I regret seeing this film, negative 2 stars
KR
C
This reminds me of the schoolyard gossip my brother once graciously shared with me back when our suburb liked to believe that somehow it had had a brief brush with tinstle town. It was about our Emily Browning standing at a bus stop in Eltham with the words "Emily Browning is a mole" (or some such) scrawled above her head. I believe she noticed it and objected with "I am not!" or so the story goes.
ReplyDeleteA deliciously meaty tale to every disaffected teenager who was lucky enough hear it and knew that they should have been chosen.
Ironic that I am in the Bog of Eternal Stench.
ReplyDeleteStand out line "You're a worm!", said to talking worm.
Stand out graffiti "----- --------(scratched out) has the clap", on back of street sign.
I oft scrawl "Witty Pseudonym is a Wanker!" in public places then stand next to it denying the fact loudly in a Young Ones Rick manner.
Were they Trolls or Goblins? I am scared.
marmalade, are you single?
ReplyDeleteI have not been able to finish your post as when I read the title and saw "Jennifer Connelly" in bold, I had to push the button straight down to "post comment" as I got almost overly excited.
ReplyDeleteDance, magic, dance - is the most wonderful song in the world, and is currently my happy song. I was listening to it only yesterday on my morning walk over the harbour bridge, skipping away and singing "babe with the power". (which leads to a slightly confusing conversation that I also had lately with my brother regarding the security cameras on the bridge...we'll leave that for another time).
Is it not a very happy song? I dont know how anybody could relate "whore" to that song.
This situation very much relates to my prophetic dreams which I have been having of late, about friends in tutus etc, who I have then bumped into days later.
Which, coincidently, sounds like something from the Labyrinth.
Dearest Dollfits,
ReplyDeleteI think one just has to look at The Hot Spot, with Don Johnson and Virgnia Madsen, and all will be revealed - quite literally. I reviewed it years ago and was quite astounded at the gloriousness of Ms Connelly's breasts.
Word veri tbbcfunk - when James Brown stuttered.
my favourite pieces of grafitti are as follows:
ReplyDelete1. kerry is a lesbian with ronya.
(underneath in much larger writing) AND YOUR MUM.
bus stop on northcote circa 1997
2. scorpion kicks all ass'es (sic)
train station in croxton circa 1999
3. wooooooooooooooo (but the ooo's went all the way around the toilet cubicle in a big circle)
some rsl in sydney circa 2002
Nice one from twenty years ago (in Abbotsford, I think), but still relevant: Luck the Fiberals
ReplyDeletePS Who is Jennifer Connolly?
Frank from Abbotsford (showing his age)
I've seen what may be another instance of Jennifer Connelly graffiti in Brunswick - on Albion St about halfway between Sydney and Melville, written on (from memory) a Telstra sewer/whatever cover in the footpath.
ReplyDeleteIt could be your #3, Ms Fits, but from memory I think it was more along the lines of JC being the Brunswick town bike. I shall have to doublecheck. I don't remember it mentioning anything about her being a celebrity though.
Oh Frank. She's a Movie Star WHORE! Obvs. And do you remember the 'The ghost who Wilkes' graffiti?
ReplyDeleteAnd I think I have fallen in love with marmalade.
i kind of (not really) get marmalade's post.
ReplyDeleteanyone care to break it down a bit further?
It is quite clear. Jennifer Connelly, luminous star of Labyrinth, A Beautiful Mind, House of Sand and Fog and the director's cut of Bushfire Moon, is a famous actress whose surname has an "e" in it.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Connolly is a celebrity movie star whore from Moreland whose surname does not have an "e" in it.
They are two different people. Jennifer Connolly is a high-class prostitute in Moreland who services only celebrities and movie stars.
Simple!
Word verification: ygejg - the town of origin of Ben Kingsley's character in House of Sand and Fog.
whoa Fits, have you been walking up and down my road? My flatmates and I have been pondering that graffiti for weeks now! It used to be on the footpath as well, but it has since rubbed off.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else remember the poetic ballad of Corkscrew Mick scrawled in one of the Melbourne Uni male toilets, many years ago? Also the friendly warning on the bottom of a cubicle door in the Union building: "Beware gay limbo dancers ..."
ReplyDeleteGreat days, great days ...
Of course, the prize for greatest graffiti meme of last century must surely go to the ubiquitous "Form one planet" road signs ...
Oh, and best graffiti *ever* ...
ReplyDeleteCrown Casino, back in the day, had the slogan "THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN", which was plastered everywhere in Melbourne in white letters on a dark background (I think there was a corny image in the background of the MCG lit up at night, with the interior of the 'G replaced by a roulette wheel or similar ...)
But on the billboard that was on Hoddle St, opposite Richmond Station, one particularly enterprising and public spirited graffiti artist had cleverly modified the word "game" using black and white paints. They removed the "E", changed the "G" to a "C", removed the "A" and replaced it with an "O" and deleted the final diagonal of the "M" to make an "N", to give ...
THE BIGGEST CON IN TOWN
It was so well done that you had to examine it closely to realise that the poster had been tampered with. Sadly, it only lasted a day before being removed ... :(
My favourite piece of graffiti was in Redfern, I used to live around the corner:
ReplyDeletehttp://wheel.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/redfern20graffiti1_2.jpg
I love the "I don't know where you live but I'm very good @ research"
I wonder if it's still there.
"Dance Magic Dance" stuck firmly in my head for probably days now, as of course I had to youtube it, ah memories. It's replaced Paul Simon's "Love Me Like A Rock" so this is a good thing.
This one just before Sydney Rd, on Royal Pde:
ReplyDeletesome wag has changed the 'Netball and Hockey Centre' to
'Hotball and Neckey Centre'
never fails to make me snigger.
Yep, EC, that is a truly fabulous bit of graffiti. Another from around the same time was "Howard is a Gangerous Anus". Even though it made me want to get my red texta out to correct the spelling every time I drove past, I still appreciated the sentiment.
ReplyDeleteIn the future, graffiti will come with hyperlinks.
ReplyDeletethere's a cute bit of graffiti on a white brick wall up here in west end (brisbane, that is):
ReplyDelete'commit more nuisance'
it always makes me smile.
Do you reckon it maybe some kinda sordid self-publicity aimed at relaunching her career in the greater shire of Moreland??
ReplyDeleteI was recording at Sony Studios in Sydney about seven years ago and found the toilet roll labelled ‘Sony Contracts’ very amusing.
ReplyDeleteEvery NYE the "S" gets stolen from the Red Rooster near Deakin Uni
ReplyDeleteBack in the 80s, I think, a guy was arrested after doing that to several Red Roosters around Melbourne. What I love and admire about it is that someone would go to so much trouble for such a stupid joke.
ReplyDeleteI've got to say,
ReplyDeleteCONSUME. BE SILENT. DIE. has a nice ring to it. Not particularly funny though,
I think our friend JC was more recently in Blood Diamond with the unbearable Leonardo Dicaprio. Perhaps the author was merely expressing his annoyance at the state of that films ending. I would hardly think the actors are to blame though, but I do think the director and scriptwriter should be lynched.
I went out with a girl for almost six months because I thought she looked like JC from labyrinth. So yes, I have pretty big hang-ups.
Pussy face actually wrote quite a witty and insightful article in the GG today, then she goes and spoils the effect with this load of undergraduate crap.
ReplyDeleteMaybe when she is in her forties she will be quite a good writer, but now she is just Paris Hilton trying to act Simone DeBouvoire in the school play.
Well, pussy face, when you were sixteen you were shaking your toosh in an excrable soapie and when Simone was sixteen she had written a great novel.
And speaking of things Paris, why can a French girl go into an op shop with forty bucks and come out looking like a goddess, while pussy face (et al, it has to be said in all fairness) will emerge looking like a Hungarian call girl?
Like all Melbourne girls who have all of a sudden hit their thirties, pussy face has reverted, in all aspects of her being, to her late teens.
Mothers, lock up your twenty year olds.
And as for the rest of you, what a bunch of drooling, dribbling sychophants.
Wankers.
If you went into an op shop with $400 dollars, I'm guessing you'd come out looking like Krusty the clown. That truly would be execrable. But then I guess I must be just one of Ms Fits' sycophants.
ReplyDelete...and Jennifer had such a promising start, in Dario Argento's Susperia.
ReplyDeleteUmmm....May I be so bold as to ask EXACTLY where in brunswick is this offending graffiti? I would love to pass the info on to my dear friend Jennifer Connolly, who I can assure you, is certainly not a movie star whore :)
ReplyDeleteI just don't think Paris would go into an Op Shop, let alone buy something...
ReplyDeleteDO YOU RESEARCH PLZ AMANDA'S AN ACTRESS!
hmm, as i pass this same graf on my way to and from work every day, this means you have been in vicinity of me and the pirate's Sagging Chateau.
ReplyDeleteAND NO HELLOS?
ah, yr a celeb = busy. i understands.
as you were.
Ok, done my research... the one on Albion St is almost the same as your #3, Ms Fits - but just: "Jennifer Connolly - Whore Of Moreland". I shall have to keep my eye out for the others.
ReplyDeleteIts not really grafiti-just mischief, but i do recall someone stealing ronald mcdonald from the south melbourne mcdonalds on clarendon st quite a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteNot all that remarkable except for the fact that ron was bolted to a seat 10 feet from the main counter.
I like that sort of commitment in trouble makers.
the best sign modification I ever saw was around Jolimont station twelve or so years ago. The Metropolitan Transit Authority had put up signs saying "The Met: Part of Melbourne. Part of Footy."
ReplyDeleteSome evil genius then managed to change around the letters in the last sentence so the sign read: "The Met: Part of Melbourne. Fart or root."
This still makes me laugh out loud.
above shops and/or seedy pub, near intersection st kilda rd and carlisle st, opposite town hall.
ReplyDelete"MC SHIT" with golden arches.
not there any more.
Cuntman, you're an evil genius for bringing that to my attention...I laughed so suddenly and so hard that my coffee come out my nose... Fart or root. Yep, that's Melbs.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favourites from the alleyways of Melbourne, "Steve Bracks is silly!" Very considerate of the activist, not to use profanities like that.
ReplyDeleteEC: My old workplace is about 20m to the left of that picture. I've always loved it.
ReplyDeleteForm One Planet reminds me of Loose Stones Drive Slowly. Which is funny because I did not know that they could drive at all, let alone that their preference is to do it slowly and that local government believed it relevant to inform all motorists.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem. I explain jokes.
Yep, that is why that one is funny.
Maybe that means "ageing rockers with questionable morals drive slowly", Witty.
ReplyDeleteAlso the friendly warning on the bottom of a cubicle door in the Union building: "Beware gay limbo dancers ..."
ReplyDeleteI thought it said "Beware midget limbo dancers."
This also makes more sense than the aforementioned.
It's me. I'm not a whore, but I do live in Moreland (won't say where exaclty) and had a nasty breakup with a total freak. i can't get the grafiti down faster than the areehole puts it up
ReplyDeleteWell thanks for clarifying Jennifer; I was sure this was what Mikeed did for fun before he found Fits.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, was this freak of yours a well spoken depressive misogynist wierdo and aspiring cartoonist with tourettes syndrome?
King St Newtown (Sydney) used to have one of those police signs which said "SPEED CAMERAS USED IN THIS AREA". Funny in and of itself since the traffic on King St never exceeds 2.3 kph. Then some wag whited out "CAMERAS".
It's funny because it's true.
It seems to be growing... I just moved to Brunswick, and have counted not less than 17 instances of the grafiti around the back streets, from Lygon, down Albert Street, to Sydney road, and several other smaller places. No phone box, power box or side walk seems to be safe from the aspiring literary genius, who has managed to summarise his message to the world in five simple, well decorated (with stars) words; "Jennifer Connolly Movie Star Whore".
ReplyDelete