Friday q and a #81.

aka: The Peter Costello Memorial 50th Birthday Q and A In The Round Spectacular. Didn't our esteemed Treasurer just have a marvellous birthday week? I must remember to buy him a cocktail when we're next rubbing elbows in a noisy bar.

My heart and mind are far away in Tokyo today, but I'll do my best to focus on something other than koigokoro for long enough to tackle a few of these Friday questions...

MelbourneGirl said...
"when in doubt, jive".

i'm adding that to my fits' inspired list of how to live life well.

"make some fashion" was the first entry.

not a question, no. but i'm hoping you're well and all that.

Can I add 'eat at least one fiendishly expensive dinner a month' to that list, MG? I knocked over The Press Club on Wednesday and will be dreaming about their melty-butter lamb for the better part of the rest of my life. I may even frame a photograph of it and place it on my mantel to tell my grandchildren about when they inevitably gather around to hear my winsome tales of life in the fast lane.

Anonymous said...
Just how many tramp stamps do you have Ms Fits.?

Seven. One for every day of the week, though they're a bitch to handwash if you accidentally miss laundry day.

Anonymous said...
http://canberra.yourguide.com.au/detail.asp?story_id=1034359

my question is, what do you think?

I think it's absolutely wonderful, actually.

'In an astonishing outburst, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer yesterday accused a 17-year-old Canberra schoolboy of being a stooge for the Labor Party.'



Yet another brilliant example of Alexander 'Syndrome' Downer coping admirably when faced with an eloquent and competent adversary. It's one step up from 'YOU ARE', isn't it? Why he didn't just throw himself to the floor and pound his tiny fists in fury until he wet his pants is utterly beyond me.


Alex Meekin of Narrabundah College, you are RYWHM's Hasty Pudding Man Of The Week. Please enjoy the sash but give it back when you're done as it will require a light dustbusting.

Anonymous said...
Have you ever had anal sex? If so, what are your perceptions?

What are my perceptions? I don't know, the same as everybody else's I suppose: potentially a bit hurty but possibly of a highly pleasurable standard if done correctly and 17 million homosexuals can't be wrong, etc. It's not everyone's cup of tea either, so just you boys be careful when stabbing away in the dark with your erect penis as no-one likes a nasty surprise in their bottom, not even Stephen Milligan.

Anonymous said...
I hate my body. I know I look fat. I am horribly, horribly wide, especially in the shoulders. And I have a pin head. Sometimes I eat way too much and then induce vomiting, yet I put on weight anyway because I can never get it all up - not quite. And I'm scared my teeth will start to rot.

Do you ever feel fat? You seem self confident and happy with the way you look. How do you manage to be that way? Would you change anything about your body and weight?

Oh, Anon. Of course I have days when I feel heinous and particularly un-keen to leave the house and take to the streets, but it passes eventually after the sort of high-energy Chris and Marie 'Hello Hello'-type talking to that has various bystanders glancing somewhat strangely and throwing loose change when they think you've finished. There's no real magic trick to trying to put your festy, self-prodding brain aside and simply get on with your day wearing a polka-dot mini and a HAY WORLD LOOK ME OVER split-face grin - just a determined effort and constant reminder that you're not so bad in the scheme of things and if Tony Abbott can get laid more than once in his life you're positively assured of kissing and sex for infinity.


With regards to changing things about myself, I don't know. Not really. I've had days where I've rather wished to be taller but then I rest my head on the shoulder of a perfectly proportioned lanky gentleman and realise I'm quite happy down here where the little folk roam. Besides which, I'd probably look pretty stupid if I was tall as I wear children's clothes.


p.s. Please don't focus so much on the parts you hate - it's a wretched cliche, but it truly is a waste of your time. When you're lying on your four-poster deathbed in years to come surrounded by sad-eyed kidlettes and a morose greyhound named Ray the last thing you're going to wish is that you'd spent more time in your young adulthood cursing your thighs and attending Step Reebok classes. You're going to wish you ate more Mersey Valley Cheddar. Now get to the fridge at once.

freehugstommy said...
Hello again Ms Fitz. How are you? (I know that's generally been answered and all, but hey.)

Anyway, I am about to move to our exciting capital to start a job in the Public Service. In fact, by the time you post the next Q'n'A, I will be in the fine city on the banks of Burly-Griffen.
Am I totally insane?
And, taking that into account (regardless of the answer), what is good to do in Canberra for a 23 year old who will be suffering withdrawl from being a drunken uni student? (You clearly know Canberra well. I saw that blue-list show.)

(I think i use too many brackets)

I am exceptionally well freehugstommy, thankyou for asking.


I'm not sure I should be considered an expert on Canberra as I have been in its fair embrace for all of forty-eight hours, thirty-six of which were spent being shunted inelegantly from location to location and being told where to stand by a camera crew. Luckily a trusty commenting friend is here to assist...

karen said...

I'm going to assume that while you're obviously a dashing young go-getter (what with the career move to Canberra and all) you are, at heart, a scruffy scrappy thing with excellent taste in all things. For drinking and some quiter music: The Phoenix. For drinking and general entertainment eclecticness: Toast. For drinking and occasional jazz and othertimes good music on the stereo: Hippo.
However, if you're a collar up polo shirt wearing leery douche, please stick to Mooseheads.

Actually, if you're a collar up polo shirt wearing leery douche I am going to request you leave this blog immediately and DON'T LOOK BACK LEST YOU TURN INTO A PILLAR OF SALT and other such exciting threats which were either from the Bible or Greek mythology; I can't recall as I am ineducated.

freehugstommy said...
Thank you muchly for the advice Karen. Quieter music, general entertainment eclecticness, occasional jazz and othertimes good music on the stereo, and the drinking that accompanies all three do indeed sound very much the ticket. And, if I have at any time worn a polo shirt with the collar up (which i certianly haven't done sober or without great amounts of sarcasm and self-hate), then I would have deservedly been beaten by everyone i have ever met. So, it sounds like Mooseheads will be a no.
Also, thank you for the assumption of taste. I do hope you are correct.
Sorry for hijacking your q'n'a Fitz. Although, at least I am more polite about it than the two posts above me.

Hijacking more than welcome, young man. Your social standing is of grave importance to me as I am at heart a sedate Aunty figure who lives vicariously through others.


Any other Canberrians looking to show freehugstommy a good time (within reason) please let us know via the comments. Presumably he'll give 'free hugs', which is not an offer to be sniffed at in today's competitive marketplace.

simbobaggins said...
Fitzy

I was out this evening playing a gig.It is particular to this venue that there are people ranging in age from 18-65.An odd mix, but it works..

Being on stage playing music is an ideal place to observe many facets of the human condition(ive seen a lot of weird shit in my time), but from what i saw tonight,everyone over 30 seemed to be dancing with whoever they were with and having a good time, where as the "youngies" were busy dancing with themselves completely ignoring their pals and wearing expressions that could have only come about by poking mudcrabs up their arses with burnt sticks.

Its really bizzarre to watch.

But-and now to my question-is this current generation of young kids even more self-absorbed than we(the thirty somethings) were, or have i just turned into my dad (A grumpy old sod) overnight?And if so,how did this happen without me being aware?

'Poking mudcrabs up their arses with burnt sticks'? Gracious me. This hardly seems a wholesome hobby for the fresh-faced generation to be taking up. Is it some kind of new Facebook activity I'm yet to have thrust upon me via notifications NO I DO NOT WISH TO JOIN YOUR PIRATE ZOMBIE ALCOHOLIC BITING PARTY THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE.


Anyway, I'll put aside the fact that I'm somewhat desperate to know which band you play in and where the devil one would entertain such a wide and varied crowd (eighteen to sixty five? Was it a cast party for 7th Heaven?) to answer your queries one at a time:


1. 'They' are no more self-absorbed than we were at their age. I saw a particularly louche young man swigging from a wine bottle in a tram and staring at the ceiling whilst quite clearly feeling sexier than Bowie and was part-way through rolling my eyes at his emo pretentiousness when I recalled partaking in an almost identical activity in years previous though possibly in a more revealing outfit. At that age you are in control of the world and utterly unbreakable. It's only through tiptoeing into your thirties that folk start getting the fears up about all kinds of ridiculous notions as we are now officially uncool morons.


2. Yes, you have turned into your dad overnight. WE HAVE EACH OF US TURNED INTO OUR DADS OVERNIGHT. For me this is a less frightening prospect as my dad is still hugely entertaining and likes to drink wine and talk to himself (the transformation hasn't been much of a stretch, to be honest), though being at a party with free liquor last Sunday night and complaining loudly about being unable to hear over the music was a bit of a rude shock even for me and I live with myself every day.


3. I'm sorry, simbobaggins. As much as we'd like these things to make themselves known to us via a series of telegrams or Facebook updates ('Simbobaggins is: about to officially turn into his father. Send help'), the truth of the matter is that one day you're hotwiring a car with Luke Fittolani and wearing a pair of knickers as a superhero mask and the next you're spending an entire overseas holiday privately converting pounds to dollars in your head and being appalled at how much the British charge for a toasted sandwich and a cup of tea. It's an awful business, but we're each of us going to experience it. Hold tight, brother.

anne altman said...



Dearest Mizz Fitzz,
Long timey no writey, so here we go:

Date #1: I went to home to his place and left with my bra in my purse, letting him only smooch me, feel my cans, and walk me to a taxi.

Date #2: After dinner I refused to go to his place, but when I got home, I got a picture phone shot of his erect cock.

Date #3: Deciding that this dude is only after one thing and that perhaps I was in the mood for that thing, I went to his house to fool around a bit. He sort of fell asleep and then a few hours later, asked me to leave b/c he was having stomach problems (ie: wanted to blow his ass out in peace?)Mind you, I have never been kicked out of a bed in my entire life.

Do I bother with Date #4?
Will there be a Date #4?

The only reason I ask is because though the dude appears to have a smallish sized dink, he has mega bucks.

Yours,
anne

Anne Altmann, how we've missed you and your insouciant class.


I say a resounding no to date #4, mega bucks or not. If the guy really wanted to jump your bones he might have managed to pull a move on you WHILE YOU WERE IN HIS FUCKING PLACE OF RESIDENCE OFFERING YOURSELF UP LIKE A BUCKET OF SAUCY NAKED FRIED CHICKEN. What kind of man falls asleep during heavy petting and then decides he'd rather spend the night cosying up with a hot water bottle instead of raising the roof with some jazzed-up crumpet? I'll tell you what kind: the homosexual kind. That or the kind who curl up in a ball and cry whenever you try to touch them on the wing-wang as a result of 'personal issues'/third degree burns. Cut him loose and to hell with him, Altmann. You're better than this and you know it.



This person disagrees:

Anonymous said...

anne, go for date #4. you deserve each other. you both sound like you're 14 yrs old !

I don't think you'd say that if you spent a happy few hours reading her blog, Anon. My favourite posts are the Weird Wedding series, but I'm sure you can find your own personal highlight.

Easily Confused said...



Hello Ms Fits,

So glad Friday Q & A is back, I missed it and think you're an ace chick & pleased to hear you've been happily busy (cue for some troll to call me a sycophant, jeez the trolls are outta control lately).

I'm fascinated, where do you get sheets to fit an octagonal bed? Do you just forgo fitted sheets or does a king size fitted work? Maybe you just tuck in a flat sheet as your bottom sheet?

My other question- what is the deal (as Seinfield would say) with the GIANT MEGA shoulder tote bags young women are currently carrying around?

Honestly there are girls walking around Sydney with shoulder bags the size of a decent suitcase. Is developing scoliosis the new fashion trend?

What's wrong with a nice sensible backpack?

1. Actually, king-sized sheets suit the ol' octagon just fine. I also have a massively comfortable doona that seems to manage draping over me and Bob Ellis and whoever else is game enough to join us in our den of ill-repute. Applicants welcome (must be ginger).


2. Oh, PLEASE don't ask me questions about handbags or shoes. I recently showed myself up in front of a proper lady when I expressed unbridled confusion at her two and a half thousand dollar handbag and she looked at me with an expression not far from pity. Wtf is going on with the fairer sex and fashionable accoutrements? If they're not getting excited about a pair of shoes so click-clacky and wee they seem to be made solely for Chinese women who have their feet forcibly bound by the phallocracy, they're making squee noises about massive bags that could fit a small deer inside. I do so admire you lasses, but I can't make head nor fucking tail of you sometimes.



p.s. As long as my bag is big enough to carry two books, some Hydrodol, lipstick and an inordinate amount of paper I don't give two flying dutchmen what it looks like.

karen said...

No questions (feel free to spank me for my transgression) but some advice...

Fits: if on your jaunts to Spain you make it to Grenada (oh do try as it is so beautiful and lovely there) go to Bar Reca. As is their sexy Spanish way, each new drink gets you a new tiny tapas dish of swoon inducing deliciousness. NB. swoon inducing etc also applied to the bar tender at the time.
If in Barcelona, you need to try and have an evening tipple on the roof of La Pedrera. I never got to do this and this makes me a little sad in my heart.
I also remember a bar that had an archery range. For true!

I will endeavour to seek out all these places, Ms. Karen. And thank you. Although the idea of getting shickered on a-grade Sangria and then picking up a bow and arrow to wave blurrily around the room terrifies the well-behaved only child in me somewhat.

Andy Pants said...

I hate to brake this to you but I have a new celebrity crush, Regina Spektor. But perhaps we could just be friends?

Yes, let's be. And I completely support your new crush as she is an unmitigated foxtress.






p.s. Can I have a crack if you ever get tired of her? I promise she'll be returned only slightly shop-soiled.

Happy 4085th US soldier killed George W Bush click here.... said...

click there...

I agree with you that graphic and disturbing images of war need to be seen by the general public in order to fully understand the horror of what is taking place 'over there' Happy 4085th, though I should warn any RYWHM readers who may be very small children or in an open-plan office or perhaps both (I've seen Bugsy Malone and I know how pint-sized kidlettes can get ahead in business) that should you click on the above link you will see brains splattered all over Iraq like so many background extras in a George A Romero movie. Please tread carefully and don't blame me if you puke blood.

Anonymous said...

3 times, to the same man.
care to elaborate? (i guess you don't really have a choice do you - ha!)

We married once a year for three years and it was all rather desperately romantic and an excuse for an exotic knees-up, to be perfectly honest. First wedding was in a forest, second deliberately bad taste in a Croatian hall with pink walls, and the third in a kimono (me) and Samurai warrior outfit (him) at a Japanese retreat. He is still keen to have a split-up party where we send out some wooden boats into a lake and set them on fire, but I'm not sure it's entirely necessary.

Anonymous said...

Pussy Face is such a tramp stamp covered cunt oh my christ!

Oi slag, I don't need to see your war torn beaver on TV no more.

Delete this comment you censoring cunt. Hardy deletes plenty of comments people.

Guess what, tramp stamps are for tramps. You sick disordered cunt.

I do delete some comments if I feel they are mindlessly abusive, yes. Though you'll note I've kept this rather festive and highbrow one as I am a fan of the creative stanza.

The Happy Revolutionary said...

Perhaps if the anons were getting some, they'd be less fixated on the orifii of a blogger they've presumably never met. Satisfied guys don't behave like this. Just sayin, is all.

My question - where should the good folk of Melbourne converge, should there be a reason to drink this election night? Fed square is more for soccer games. Perhaps rooftop drinking on the top of Trades Hall?

Actually, we're planning on having a Polichicks party on the night (I am wearing one of our new hoodies as we speak; excitement unparalleled), so I'll keep you posted. I'll be the one rocking back and forth in the corner completely unable to speak English. If you see me, buy me a nice drink and lead me by the hand to an adult.

Tallinja said...

Ms Fitz, if you were, say, drinking yourself into oblivion post-traumatic breakup, would you choose vodka or rum? Also, what's your opinion on Zadie Smith? Does the fact that I find her books turgid and dull make me an uncultured buffoon?

1. Neither. I'd choose gin, as there are thousands of tears in every bottle. Although after reading Peter Temple's description of black coffee with a big slug of rum in it in The Broken Shore I'm rather tempted to take it up as my new tipple of choice.


2. Re: Zadie Smith. I loved White Teeth and hated The Autograph Hunter, so I guess that makes me a cultured buffoon. I don't know, surely the opinions of various snooty book lovers doesn't count if you're left cold at the end of it all - different books resonate with you for a reason. You're probably a massive Patrick White fan and I'd rather shave a swastika into my head than read another one of his novels, so just go with the 'each to their own' theory and rest easy knowing your taste is yours alone.

Andy Pants said...

OMG Ms Fits, thank goodness you have deleted those horrible posts! I don't know how you put up with such nastiness. Surely there is SOMETHING you can do to get rid of these terrible trolls?! I know you take down their posts and try to ban them, but the second your back is turned, the trolls are back nastier,fouler and filthier than ever. They things they were sayig about you! OMG!! It is becoming very distressing for the rest of us who come here to appreciate your dry wit and snappy comments. Please, PLEASE try and ban them.

Why thank you Andy, I most certainly....NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND HERE.

Andy Pants said...

That isn't me, I'm literate.

I suspected as much. Phew! Wouldn't I have looked quite the fool by responding to such a cheap shot? DODGED A BULLET WITH THAT ONE ROLFKMAO!!!!!


p.s. You should be pleased that someone cares about you enough to be having a crack, AP. I'll certainly shed a tear the day folk stop dropping by RYWHM to inform me that I have a prolapsed uterus or whatever charmed medical affliction they feel the need to bestow upon me on that particular afternoon.

Thalesian said...

Good evening Fits,

It's good to hear that you enjoyed your sojourn in Byron. I was crook last week and heard your discussion of same on 774...(Christ, I'm getting old...)

My question is... If you wanted to organise a dinner in Byron Bay for, oh, about 20 people for, oh say, maybe a wedding celebration, where would you go? Did you visit any decent restaurants in Byron whilst you were there?

We've all missed you... (Well, except maybe for mikeed and those other anon trolls)

Hugs,
Thalesian

Oh, I ate in several excellent Byronic restaurants which I would be happy to recommend, though for your purposes I'd go for the Balcony as they serve superior cocktails and you can stretch out on some comfortable highbrow couches and hock loogies on teenagers in boardshorts below. And I'm not the only one who thinks so, neither...

karen said...

Hello Fitsy,

I'm having a hard time resisting the urge to leave answers for other commenters here, like say, telling Thalesian that although the bulk of my recent culinary experiences in Byron involved eating food that came from vans, I did pass a wonderful evening at the Balcony Bar and heartily recommend it. Does this mean I have inappropriate smart-arse-know-it-all-me-me-pay-attention-to-meeeee! issues or is it undeniable evidence that I am 12 sorts of caring and lovely and am making the world a better place, one butt-in at a time?

I'd go for the latter, particularly as for the most part the mob gathering to witness the inanity at RYWHM are a giving people who hand out beans of information like so many god-botherers flinging pamphlets with dead babies on them outside an abortion clinic. Just you keep butting in where you see fit, young lady.

Anonymous said...

Do you ever consider changing your 'look'? The Sunday Age lifestyle magazine recently CONDEMNED those trying for the 'little madam'/'cute' look, who end up with the 'mutton dressed as lamb' look instead. If the Sunday Age said it, it must be true. Like you, I fucken luv the Age. But reading the article, you did come to mind...
Your thoughts?

Well gee, I guess if the Sunday Age doesn't much care for my sartorial choices I won't have much of a hope as the face of next year's Melbourne Fashion Week. THE HORROR.


Much as it may surprise you I'm not actually going for any deliberate 'look' other than one that makes me feel very nice when I wear it, and if the best you can do when reading articles on ladies who rather enjoy small frocks is to send waves of pity in my direction then I say good day to you fuckface as I find my clothes to be rather strange and marvellous.

Che said...

'Never cross the picket line.'

What if you don't believe in what people are picketing? What if it was Young Liberals on strike for something, like more balanced lecturers?

Wouldn't a better life commandment be, 'to thine own self be true'? Just wondering what you thought.

Also: I agree with the above query/comment. Those pigtails...

1. I probably still wouldn't cross. They've a right to picket just as much as anyone else. I don't know, it's a built-in left wingery thing that I can't escape given my pinko family background.


2. I don't know if it's necessarily a better one, Che. It's a good one, though. Why can they not co-exist in Life's Little Rule Book?


3. If my hairstyle bothers you that much I suggest you take up an instant hobby. I hear the game of Mousetrap is endlessly engaging for those with a little too much time on their hands for ruminating over the pigtails of shitkicker bloggers.


I mean, for fuck's.




Also - the debate is weighed in on here:

karen said...

In line with my compulsion, I also have to throw in on the style comments and say that my tv shows you each month to be a fresh faced wee scrap of a thing with a complexion that inspires both jealous rage/small measures of lust. But it has never shown you wearing a fluorescent oversized "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: BREAK DANCE" t-shirt or any other zany thing the kids today are wearing. Obviously an age limit has been put on nice dresses - can you please advise me what this cut off point is so I know when to burn my frocks/invest in a neck to knee bathing costume? Oh also, speaking of pigtails (which I wasn't but anyway), did anything ever come of the hair modelling?

Cheers!

Actually, I wear one of those t-shirts in my spare time as I a professional and private dickwad.


To answer your questions, a) keep the more ridiculous frocks til past 80 as it will offend the grandchildren in a fashion which is nothing short of delightful and b) No. I've no time for hair modelling as a career and besides which I'm scared they'd get creative and make me look like Pepe Le Pew.

Matthew said...

The pigtails are gorgeous :-)

DOES ANYONE NOT HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT MY HAIR.

Lisa said...

Hi Ms Fits, love you very much but have no question and no advice so a pretty poor Friday q and a comment I'm afraid. Just wanted to add my little voice of support to the OCD sufferers who commented last week - I too have the horrid page forward page back affliction and it has resulted in long periods of my life not reading anything much. I've lived with this OCD curse since I was 13 (yes, an early developer) and have learnt that a good day with not too many intrusions is to be celebrated. Mmmm. And Ms Fits your dog patting thingy is prolly what they call 'magic thinking' which is common in kids (don't step on the cracks in the pavement sort of thing), not that I am an educated person in these things other than as how they effect meself. Good luck to both of the sufferers who commented, and bags of luck to yourself gorgeous one!

Thanks Lisa, and I'm sorry you've been addled since a tender age. I must say I rather like the romantic connotations of 'magic thinking'. Can I use it as an excuse when I'm being a pain in the arse?


Gen: Where the hell is my silver jumper? You've had it for months.


Me: I've been too busy magic thinking to look for it!!!!


Gen: .....

Ben said...

I feel quite chipper right now, because I got paid the other night.
For jokes.

Hi Lisa, hope you're doing well.

I feel I must point out you didn't answer all my questions. That's OK though, they weren't very interesting.

So what will you be up to in Berlin? Just general shenanigans of a Teutonic nature? I've never been there. I went to Zurich once, that was nice.

When are you leaving? How long are you going for? Will you bring me back a souvenir?

Who's the greatest guitarist of all time?

I apologise, Ben. I've been dreadfully busy buying electric blue high waisted shorts at Savers. I do hope you understand.


In answer to your queries:


1. I'm not sure yet. I may only be able to visit for a couple of days, so whatever it is I don't doubt it will be suitably chaotic and touristy.


2. I leave on August 28th.


3. I am going for a little over three weeks, but may have to return at the end of September.


4. I don't see why not. What sort of thing were you after?


5. Tim Heath from The Basics. Or, as an alternative, Nathan Cavaleri.

Anonymous said...

" I'm heading to the UK with occasional jaunts to Paris, Berlin and Spain"
dear Ms Fits I too have no question alas except this... when oh when do you come to paris...? I am living here in paree an expat devotee reading your cute sexy little bon mots which makes me oh-so-happy and merci beaucoup for your delightful blogging... this be a rambling note: when in paris you must come to our local for a down + dirty parisian experience in Le Marais at Cafe La Perla and then should you want the arrogant arrogance of a martini shaken with a gallic shrug we insist on taking you out for an evening close to the bar at hotel costes. toot sweet.

That sounds utterly delightful, Anon. At this stage it looks like I'll be in Paris around the 7th of September and would like nothing more than to have a 'down + dirty' Parisian experience so long as it doesn't involve some kind of drugging/kidney extraction as my mother would never forgive me for being such a trusting dunce.



***************



If anyone has missed out I offer humblings and mumblings and can assure you I will be potentially more on top of 'it' next time we meet.



Leave your questions for next week in the comments below and please, if you can, play Misty for me.







89 days til the next election.